Help Me to Check the Paragraph. Very Important. Give Your Suggestions for Modification to Make It Better?

Question by : help me to check the paragraph. very important. give your suggestions for modification to make it better?
Total “Cloud Monitoring” solution, supporting hot standby, load balancing, etc
As a total industrial solution, creCloud system manager supports the functions of hot standby, load balancing, dynamic extension, disaster recovery and backup, hot swapping, etc.
If one monitoring server gets disconnected, its monitoring mission would be taken over by another server.

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Answer by Ahmed Mohammed
A total “Cloud Monitoring” solution supports hot standby, load balancing, etc
As a total industrial solution, creCloud system manager supports the functions of hot standby, load balancing, dynamic extension, disaster recovery and backup, and many other.
If one monitoring server gets disconnected, another server will take its monitoring mission.

This is my modified paragraph.

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One Response to “Help Me to Check the Paragraph. Very Important. Give Your Suggestions for Modification to Make It Better?”

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  1. shamow says:

    get a job