What Do U Think of This Story So Far?

Question by friend: what do u think of this story so far?
The Legendary Wolf Bane Eyes that was the name that changed my life forever so let me tell you my story that starts at the airport in the country of Canada where my family, which consisted of me my brother and my mother, moved to live a new life in the country were we felt safe in because of our relatives who lived there. Now as I said we were in the airport were we had just arrived and were waiting for our bags when suddenly the lights went out it looked at a power outage at first but a few people and me notice that there should at least be a small amount of light coming from outside the airport but when I looked out side the window it was as if there was a massive power outage that was all around the world as the only light we could use to see was the light of the moon. The staff rushed to get a few lanterns and flashlights that they kept at the basement while the security guards tried to calm down the people who were panicking as they found at that there was no light at all even outside the airport.

All the passengers in the planes were required to leave until power returned to the area but than it happened the start of the big change that was about to occur in my life, one of the planes exploded and burst into flames everyone was told to stick to the ground and take cover but after a few seconds the one to it’s right exploded in the same manner and it wasn’t long till the third exploded and before I knew it all the planes were in flame after the explosions stopped people started to take a look and started standing up as the relief of surviving those explosions clouded their thoughts and made them think they were safe but for some reason I was the only one who saw the big picture which was that all the planes were the same distance away from the airport and there was no danger at all as not even one window glass was shattered or at the least cracked in fact the only danger there was, was the danger of a group of screaming people.

At that I had my suspicions that the whole thing was just a staged act to impress the first time visitors but when the smoke cleared up I saw that the planes were completely destroyed with a big amount of pieces on the floor with smoke rushing out of each burnt piece and eventually darkening the sky and the thing that changed my mind was that all planes that exploded were not of the same company and so either it was all a big act by a really rich guy or something was definitely going down that all the people were blind to see. Suddenly we heard a very loud scream of many people coming from the place that the staff members went to get what we needed. The loud noise lasted for about ten seconds and when it was done there was a dead silence in the area. I had to go and check it out but my family didn’t let me leave so I had to stay put but I something supernatural was going on and I wasn’t going to stand around and wait for my death.

I noticed a slightly open door and saw a sign of stairs so I decided to go and try to find out what happened to the staff members. I snuck away from my family and carefully entered the door but after that I rushed to the stair case. Looking at the ceiling I quickly went down the first four steps but then as I expected to step on the fifth, there was nothing there and I was about to fall if I hadn’t hanged on to the fourth step with my hand. As I looked down I was shocked at what I saw and do you know what I saw nothing, nothing at all. My eyes opened wide the hole bottom section of the airport was gone and I could see the foundation or at least what was left of it. It’s hard to explain but it was like a piece of the airport was gone but not any piece it was like a spherical section was gone and where my hand was, was probably where the tip of the sphere was.

I pulled myself up but as soon as I made it to the platform that the stair was connected to I felt a stabbing pain in my eyes, it was like a thousand swords forced into each of my eyes at once. The pain kept increasing and the pain drove me to a point where I started screaming and punching walls, it was unbearable to open my eyes. Suddenly the pain stopped and my eyes felt normal again, hoping that I didn’t attract that much attention I headed back to my family although I was still unsure of what was happening. I couldn’t believe my eyes there was no one there not my family no one, I looked around quickly while my mind was trying to comprehend what happened but I saw no one.

Best answer:

Answer by Olliebean
It has a weak opening paragraph. Try not just saying things directly, show them instead. Hope that helps.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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One Response to “What Do U Think of This Story So Far?”

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  1. Shadow says:

    Well, it’s a good story with a lot of description, but your sentences are kind of run-ons: long and rambling. Try using shorter sentences, instead of using “and” over and over within.