Opinions on 21 Chapter I Wrote?

Question by : Opinions on 21 chapter I wrote?
By four o’clock, they were at Holly’s house. Savannah stood on the platform in Holly’s basement with microphone gripped to her hand. She and Palma needed to practice for singing competition the school was having in a couple of weeks. The first song they were singing was “Just Be Good To Me” by SOS Band.
“Friends…!” belted Savannah as the instrumental version song played on a different key, that Savannah liked, “tell me I am crazy. And I’m wasting my time with you…”
On the “you”, Savannah prolonged the “ooh” for five seconds. After finishing up the verse, Palma came on during the chorus. Since Palma didn’t know the lyrics to the song, she mostly just mumbled the lyrics. Which made everyone laugh. Not many people she knew knew the song. It was her mother’s favorite song when she was little. The song reminded her of when she used to play it in the house all the time.
After hitting a high C at the end of the song, everyone stared at them with their mouths gaped open.
“Wow…” Elisha said. “Just won. You guys…you just…wow.”
“It reminded me of harps playing next to a waterfall.” analyzed Reese.
Savannah smiled. And she thought she was the only poetic one. She actually felt good that she was able to sing in front of her friends. They were all supportive and honest. She turned to Palma who was beaming. Savannah thought she was about to float up into the billowy clouds.
“I loved it.” smiled Carter, walking up to Savannah. “You both are very similar in range.”
“Yeah, I agree.” said Andy. “I couldn’t really tell which one was singing. The harmony was spot on.”
“Thanks guys!” grinned Savannah. “I feel really good about auditions tomorrow.”
“We’re all prepped for auditions.” exclaimed Palma, slapping palms with Savannah. “Is this the song we’ll sing for our audtions?”
“I like the song Donde Quiera Que Estes by Selena.” said Savannah. “I know all the lyrics in Spanish.”
“Oh, I heard of her.” nodded Palma. “We should sang it in the competition. It has a more competive sound to it. It’ll make us wow the audience.”
Then she mumbled something in Dutch that none of them understood. Savannah smiled at the thought of singing with her friend Palma. She was beginning to be like a best friend. Palma was so bubbly, outgoing, and sprightly. She reminded Savannah of the sunshine on a warm, tropical day.
After school on Monday, Savannah and Palma turned the corner towards the theatrical hallway. Colors and pictures of performance arts strewed all over the walls in the hallways. Rays of sunlight shined through the crystal windows, creating natural light in the hallway. Savannah made a mental note to visit the hallway everyday. It was a good way to release stress.
Entering inside the auditorium, about forty other students sat in the seats. Up ahead, three students at the front. They were the judged. Savannah recognized one of them as Lettie from her gym class.
“Hey!” Lettie said in surprised, seeing the girls. “Are you auditioning?”
“Ahem!” cleared a girl with firey red hair. “No, association with the auditionees.”
“Is that even a word?” Palma asked, crinkling her pale forehead.
“No.” muttered Lettie, putting her hand on her chin in agitation.
“Actually it is a word.” corrected Savannah.
They all looked at her. Savannah just shrugged and told them she read the dictionary since she was in the second grade.
The redhaired girl showed them to the back of the auditorium. They sat in the back section, watching a girl with long, black hair walk up to the stage. She grabbed the microphone a little to roughly and nearly tripped over the cord. She scowled and tossed her head behind her back.
“Oh, God…” Savannah could hear the redhaired girl say.
Savannah understood why redhaired girl seemed appalled by the brunette auditionee. She had a haughty personality and didn’t look too friend. The girl’s green eyes scanned the room for everyone’s attention.
“Are you ready?” redhair said, fixing her glasses on her face.
“Yes!” snapped brunette.
“What’s your name?” yawned redhair.
“Bernadette Mackle.”
“What song are you singing today?” Lettie asked, her voice sounding a little bit less tense than redhair’s.
“Britney Spear’s ‘Break The Ice'” answered Bernadette.
“Interesting choice in song.” mumbled redhair.
Savannah guessed she was trying to emulate Simon Cowell. Did she even know this wasn’t a real competition. Sure they won five hundred dollars, but it wasn’t like they got a singing contract. It was all for fun.
That was when Bernadette broke out into a repulsive screech. “‘I know

Best answer:

Answer by Paul H
something off. too perfect, not realistic

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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2 Responses to “Opinions on 21 Chapter I Wrote?”

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  1. Shocking_Wired says:

    I cant really say I know much about teen-girl lit, but what I can say is add a murder somewhere in this chapter and I’m sold

  2. Rachel says:

    That was really really good! I would love to read it all, And if it was published i would definitely buy it! Its a shame you didn’t get to finish the chapter on here, I would have loved to read the rest. Please write more and post it on here again :)
    Its brilliant, Is my final conclusion.
    Good luck on writing the rest, and please post it. 😀
    xxx xxx