Q&A: What Do You Think of This Writing?

Question by : What do you think of this writing?
Chasen gritted his teeth and dug the heels of his feet into the stand. His body tensed, and he had the sudden urge to scream out something, anything. So many words came to life in his mind in that moment that he had almost let it go. The speaker was turning away, when the word surfaced on the tip of his tongue.
“You coward!”
The speaker turned back to face him, as well as the head of every man in the room. Eyes were wide and some mouths hung open. Guards rushed as him from all sides, but the speaker put his hands up, ordering them to back away.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it? That a gesture as simple as the flick of a wrist can mean the difference between life and death?”
The air was still and heavy with anticipation. Chasen was sure that everyone could feel the rush of fear and adrenaline rolling off of him.
The speaker mustered an impish laugh, “what? Cat got your tongue?”
“I won’t waste any more of my breath on you,” Chasen hissed, clenching his fists at his sides.
“You aren’t worthy of breathing this air. Don’t be so presumptuous. You’re playing for the wrong side, Franley. It could be you on this platform right now, imagine that.”
Chasen drew in a deep breath, but didn’t speak anymore. He wanted to beat his fists against something, anything.
“I organized this room specifically so that we wouldn’t have any “accidents”. See? I haven’t completely forgotten about you. It isn’t too late to change your mind. You’ve still got a few hours before we mark you up.”
Chasen rubbed the delicate skin of his forearm. He wouldn’t go with them, he would rather have a thousand scars.
“Go to Hell,” he spat.
In that moment, the speaker flicked his wrist. Something sharp and incredibly painful stung Chasen in the leg and he collapsed onto the stand, half of his body strewn onto the lower tier. Pain spread like fire in spider webs up his leg, stopping at the top of his thigh. He clutched the fabric of the jumpsuit with his hands, surprised to find it cool at his fingertips. But poking out from the skin of his thigh was a pin-sized dart.
“Great,” the speaker said. Between the hazy splotches clouding his eyes, Chasen caught the speaker’s face twisted into a smirk, “I’ll meet you there.”
The tapping of footsteps grew fainter as the speaker exited the stage, and the light in Chasen’s eyes had almost gone out when the speaker remembered something,
“Oh,“ he added softly, churning the words out like butter, “welcome to the new Terram, now known as Base T8-2. Please, make yourself at home.”
Sorry, I know portions of this are probably confusing. Chasen’s hometown (which was called Terram) was just destroyed by the speaker’s organization. The speaker is one of the leaders, but he is just referred to as “speaker”. Chasen was offered as a boy to join the organization, but he refused because he’d been taught by his father that they were horrible people. Chasen managed to outsmart the speaker by hiding his town safely away from the organization, but the speaker feels powerful because he managed to find Chasen’s town and destroy it. He also deported Chasen’s wife (turned her into a servant-woman) and son and now his leg is crippled and he also can’t have any more children. He is only in his late twenties. This ia actually just the prologue. Chasen’s son managed to survive and had a grandson named Chase, and Chase is friends with the protagonist of the story.

Best answer:

Answer by Chelsea
I really liked it! Is this posted on a website anywhere? I’d love to read more. The descriptions were flawless and I could picture everything in mind. :) Also, I really love Chasen’s name!

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3 Responses to “Q&A: What Do You Think of This Writing?”

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  1. Ashley says:

    It’s very descriptive. But I don’t quite understand the setting. I know that “The speaker” is a man of power, and not exactly the nicest guy. I understand that Chasen is some sort of prisoner of his, but I don’t understand what is about to happen entirely. What kind of platform is he on, or was he even on it? Is he a person about to be sold as a slave or labor, that’s what I caught from it. But the “base T8-2″ thing confused me.

  2. just mysterious says:

    I love this! I don’t really know what the plot is, though. Is it a boy that is about to be killed? A boy that is trying to escape somewhere? You need to convey the plot to readers, or they won’t know what you’re talking about.

    I love your detail! You explain everything in such magnificent detail that it makes me feel like I’m watching a movie in my head!

    Keep doing what you’re doing!

  3. Casey Hernandez says:

    This is a cool one. I think you have great potential to do novels. If you would be successful you can use some bookends to help you organize your books and novels.